The Things That Make Me Happy Aren't Real

by Sympathy etc.

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03:59
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04:13

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released January 1, 2017

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Sympathy etc. Toronto, Ontario

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Track Name: Disaster
no good news today
a hundred people dead what a fucking surprise
for breakfast this morning we got poached eggs with a side of genocide

i'm worried about the future
i'm scared of pc culture
i don't give a fuck if your gay or trans just don't fucking yell at me about it
it's none of my fucking business if you identify as xy or z
i just wanted to be your friend

sorry if i hurt your feelings
i'm really a nice guy i just get awful testy sometimes
i used to sympathize with school shooters but now i've made peace with the bullies

it's a fucking miracle! i've breached the divide
we're all just fucking hysterical psychopaths with delusions of mass suicide every once in a while
we got that in common now come inside i'll make you a cup of coffee
talk to me about your family, tell me what you did with your weekend
as me a question now i'm fucking engaged in this conversation
Track Name: Lying to Myself
lying to myself about who i am
everyone else so fucking satisfied with their marriage and their career
pacing my way through school
study this conduct disorder i disagree with it

no one knows how to treat mental sickness
we're all just fucked up, some of us are just a little more honest
everyone so fucking satisfied with the constant bullshit
no one wants to think a bit about their suffering
keep distracting yourself
sleeping with each other's spouses and keeping secrets
scheming your way to the top of the food chain

dont invalidate my fucking feelings cause when i wake up in the morning and i want to die that fucking real
i'm not a monster cause i cut myself from time to time
im not a degenerate on account of my fucking addictions

you teach me to read and then you force me to leave home and fend for myself
i'm not fucking stupid i tried my best
i'm not fucking stupid but i wasn't ready for this
it's just so fucking excessive
they said it's going to be fine
yeah it's all going to be so fucking fine
i'm not afraid of pain play
pass me the knife i'll bleed out in the bath tub
Track Name: False Alarm
false alarm
trick myself into thinking there was something meaningful here
some kind of spiritual epiphany (awakening)
i'm in denial that there's something other than me that i'm obsessed with

i can't tell if the body is asleep or not
my brain is sucked back in a fever dream
i got something evil in me that's gonna be gone by the time you hear this recording
spun out of control tonight but i'm unable to move
i'm falling in love with something

besides me there's a tv screen capturing my memories i don't believe in anything beyond
(there's nothing on the other side)
pull the trigger if you're happy clap your hands fuck off

demons running around i can't catch em scheming
conniving motherfuckers
stop asking me to save your life i can't forgive everyone for every fucking thing

what if you're not real, God?
what if we just made up the whole fucking thing?
what if we're doomed in a bottomless fucking infinity?

i'm so tired
don't make me do your work anymore
at least tell me what the fuck you're doing
at least give me a wife so i don't have to do this alone

drop me off at the next exit to hell i gotta see it
make me a slave to keep as my property
it's all fucking meaningless under the sun
fuck that prostitute if you gotta i don't blame the monster life is fucking hard

wisdom comes to those who wait
patience is a virtue
bask in this divinity i've got enough to share
the end of the world is coming
don't act so fucking melancholy
i got your back
take me to your leader if you got one otherwise you can follow me
i know a place, the secret entrance is in my body
fucking kill me and find the key inside

milk and honey, milk and honey
my blood runs with milk and honey
tastes good don't it
do you have enough pearls to pay for safe travel?
don't worry if you don't you can take a few of mine

i've been saving up for the rapture
this disguise is only temporary
give these lashes to my enemies first
it'll sting at first but that's just cause the healing hurts like alcohol or salt on a wound

i'm not finished yet
i gotta record this ambience don't doubt this experience, he's here in it
Track Name: The Things That Make Me Happy Aren't Real
the things that make me happy aren't real
taking melatonin gives me fucked up dreams and false awakenings
i'm making deals with god, trying to get him like me
i gotta pretend to be someone else to get people to like me
i like keeping all my connections separate
whenever they come together i gotta get all quiet
cause none of em know who i am

my heart beats faster than yours cause i'm so fucking anxious all the time
deaths gonna come quicker for me

being an adult is fucking disturbing
i spend my time trying to figure out how to feel like a kid again
getting high on nostalgia
trying to hold on to something that's going to die and has no purpose anyway

fuck paying for my mistakes
fuck figuring out how to work a job
fuck christmas bonuses
how much money will it take you to look the other way

i don't wanna lie to my friends
but they don't know who i am
fucking bored
caught up in some game
playing for keeps
laughing all the way to the bank cause my parents gave me two thousand dollars this year

spend it on video games and dextromethorphan
don't know that i'm gonna make it past the next year
they tell me i'm a nice guy on the outside but i'm fucking mess
trying to pull myself out of it

leading a double life
going on dates with girls eight years younger than me
the only person i can relate to
the only person who gives me a fucking chance
she's got a boyfriend but she hangs out indoors with me
i laugh about it

we don't sleep together cause i'm too scared of sex
i'm supposed to be a good christian boy
singing christmas songs for my mom and my grandma
bringing out that choir boy stance
believe me when i tell you that god's not making an appearance this year
he's fucking sick of me
i locked him up in the garage
he hasn't eaten for weeks
i give em a few pieces of chocolate every time he gives me a blessing over my recording sessions

and i hope you have a happy new year
forget about the taxes and the fascists don't let them get you down
buy yourself a new jacket and cry about it
cry about the lost youth you'll never get back cause you gave it to some high school sweetheart that makes you fucking miserable
Track Name: Open
(i like being fucked up)

there's something i like about being fucked up in a fucked up sort of way
life is beautiful, don't i know it
god bless the schizophrenics and the borderline narcissists i love em all

if you're antisocial i'll be you're best friend
talk to me about how you're convinced you're james bond i get off on that shit

obsessive compulsive, adhd, give me a call
repeat yourself to me for two hours
you know who you are and i'm here for you, without you i'd be lost in space madness
i need your love obsessed childlike laughter to keep me grounded
you're more mature than you think

send my love to the president of the united states
you got all that power i just hope you use it fine
i'm rooting for you donald, i don't like you, but i'm rooting for you

to the professors at my university i'm sorry that they drive you so hard
three hours isn't enough time to get through all that material
damn if i don't know it
just test me on the concepts next time don't ask me to memorize the percentage of seniors who use Facebook

it's kind of odd you didn't tell me you had a boyfriend before you agreed to hang out with me
i'll give you the benefit of the doubt
it's all right if you're shopping around and if you like the attention i'm giving you
but i think you ought to treat him better cause i know you know better than that

happy belated birthday or early birthday or if it's your birthday and you're listening to this then have a happy fucking birthday
one year closer to death

thank god for the astronauts and the scientists what you do is so fucking cool, i'm envious
just don't waste too much money for the sake of discovery if you can help it, i know a lot of people who are starving, new horizons will always be coming around, take some time out to feed the genius living at the local shelter

to the artists and the entertainers i love you so much,
i know the war you wage, i'm fighting by your side forevermore
whether you're famous or an amateur just keep on expressing yourself baby i'll be keeping a look out for your next magnum opus

to my mother and my father i'm sorry i'm such a fuck up
i'm sorry i don't call you enough
just know i'm praying for you when i'm not too busy to do it
i wish i could offer you something more
i know you don't expect anything back but i love you
i'll leave it at that for now

my brothers man i'm sorry i'm so fucking distant
we all went our own ways i guess but i think about you often
i know it's awkward when we see each other cause we're so fucking disconnected
i wish i invested more time into you guys
and forgive me if i don't start investing now
you know how it is

thanks to the drug dealers, oh man, thanks to the drug dealers
be careful out there
if you end up in prison give me your one phone call and i promise i'll do my best to bail you out

all my friends you've been so good to me, coming out to see me and letting me talk to you when i ask you to listen
putting up with my moods and backhanded compliments
thanks for giving me my space when i needed it

i got you boss up in management
you're so high up there but if you fall down i got a place for you at my level you need it
i owe you so much for all the money you give me for slacking off

this ones for you, you dangerous thinkers (you're my favourite)
making me think about things too, i'm so grateful for that
dying before your time for the sake of us losers
i read your books and they blow my mind
you change my life and expand my worldview

i love you god, i know this isn't the best way to say it but i believe it is
take a breathe right now or you might die
thanks so much for giving me this life giving lifegiving life

i'm so fucking happy today excuse my frequent crying fits
god bless the universe, so small but it's all i know, i'm so small but i make a little joyful noise, join me in the fucking chorus