no good news today a hundred people dead what a fucking surprise for breakfast this morning we got poached eggs with a side of genocide i'm worried about the future i'm scared of pc culture i don't give a fuck if your gay or trans just don't fucking yell at me about it it's none of my fucking business if you identify as xy or z i just wanted to be your friend sorry if i hurt your feelings i'm really a nice guy i just get awful testy sometimes i used to sympathize with school shooters but now i've made peace with the bullies it's a fucking miracle! i've breached the divide we're all just fucking hysterical psychopaths with delusions of mass suicide every once in a while we got that in common now come inside i'll make you a cup of coffee talk to me about your family, tell me what you did with your weekend as me a question now i'm fucking engaged in this conversation

lying to myself about who i am everyone else so fucking satisfied with their marriage and their career pacing my way through school study this conduct disorder i disagree with it no one knows how to treat mental sickness we're all just fucked up, some of us are just a little more honest everyone so fucking satisfied with the constant bullshit no one wants to think a bit about their suffering keep distracting yourself sleeping with each other's spouses and keeping secrets scheming your way to the top of the food chain dont invalidate my fucking feelings cause when i wake up in the morning and i want to die that fucking real i'm not a monster cause i cut myself from time to time im not a degenerate on account of my fucking addictions you teach me to read and then you force me to leave home and fend for myself i'm not fucking stupid i tried my best i'm not fucking stupid but i wasn't ready for this it's just so fucking excessive they said it's going to be fine yeah it's all going to be so fucking fine i'm not afraid of pain play pass me the knife i'll bleed out in the bath tub

false alarm trick myself into thinking there was something meaningful here some kind of spiritual epiphany (awakening) i'm in denial that there's something other than me that i'm obsessed with i can't tell if the body is asleep or not my brain is sucked back in a fever dream i got something evil in me that's gonna be gone by the time you hear this recording spun out of control tonight but i'm unable to move i'm falling in love with something besides me there's a tv screen capturing my memories i don't believe in anything beyond (there's nothing on the other side) pull the trigger if you're happy clap your hands fuck off demons running around i can't catch em scheming conniving motherfuckers stop asking me to save your life i can't forgive everyone for every fucking thing what if you're not real, God? what if we just made up the whole fucking thing? what if we're doomed in a bottomless fucking infinity? i'm so tired don't make me do your work anymore at least tell me what the fuck you're doing at least give me a wife so i don't have to do this alone drop me off at the next exit to hell i gotta see it make me a slave to keep as my property it's all fucking meaningless under the sun fuck that prostitute if you gotta i don't blame the monster life is fucking hard wisdom comes to those who wait patience is a virtue bask in this divinity i've got enough to share the end of the world is coming don't act so fucking melancholy i got your back take me to your leader if you got one otherwise you can follow me i know a place, the secret entrance is in my body fucking kill me and find the key inside milk and honey, milk and honey my blood runs with milk and honey tastes good don't it do you have enough pearls to pay for safe travel? don't worry if you don't you can take a few of mine i've been saving up for the rapture this disguise is only temporary give these lashes to my enemies first it'll sting at first but that's just cause the healing hurts like alcohol or salt on a wound i'm not finished yet i gotta record this ambience don't doubt this experience, he's here in it

the things that make me happy aren't real taking melatonin gives me fucked up dreams and false awakenings i'm making deals with god, trying to get him like me i gotta pretend to be someone else to get people to like me i like keeping all my connections separate whenever they come together i gotta get all quiet cause none of em know who i am my heart beats faster than yours cause i'm so fucking anxious all the time deaths gonna come quicker for me being an adult is fucking disturbing i spend my time trying to figure out how to feel like a kid again getting high on nostalgia trying to hold on to something that's going to die and has no purpose anyway fuck paying for my mistakes fuck figuring out how to work a job fuck christmas bonuses how much money will it take you to look the other way i don't wanna lie to my friends but they don't know who i am fucking bored caught up in some game playing for keeps laughing all the way to the bank cause my parents gave me two thousand dollars this year spend it on video games and dextromethorphan don't know that i'm gonna make it past the next year they tell me i'm a nice guy on the outside but i'm fucking mess trying to pull myself out of it leading a double life going on dates with girls eight years younger than me the only person i can relate to the only person who gives me a fucking chance she's got a boyfriend but she hangs out indoors with me i laugh about it we don't sleep together cause i'm too scared of sex i'm supposed to be a good christian boy singing christmas songs for my mom and my grandma bringing out that choir boy stance believe me when i tell you that god's not making an appearance this year he's fucking sick of me i locked him up in the garage he hasn't eaten for weeks i give em a few pieces of chocolate every time he gives me a blessing over my recording sessions and i hope you have a happy new year forget about the taxes and the fascists don't let them get you down buy yourself a new jacket and cry about it cry about the lost youth you'll never get back cause you gave it to some high school sweetheart that makes you fucking miserable

(i like being fucked up) there's something i like about being fucked up in a fucked up sort of way life is beautiful, don't i know it god bless the schizophrenics and the borderline narcissists i love em all if you're antisocial i'll be you're best friend talk to me about how you're convinced you're james bond i get off on that shit obsessive compulsive, adhd, give me a call repeat yourself to me for two hours you know who you are and i'm here for you, without you i'd be lost in space madness i need your love obsessed childlike laughter to keep me grounded you're more mature than you think send my love to the president of the united states you got all that power i just hope you use it fine i'm rooting for you donald, i don't like you, but i'm rooting for you to the professors at my university i'm sorry that they drive you so hard three hours isn't enough time to get through all that material damn if i don't know it just test me on the concepts next time don't ask me to memorize the percentage of seniors who use Facebook it's kind of odd you didn't tell me you had a boyfriend before you agreed to hang out with me i'll give you the benefit of the doubt it's all right if you're shopping around and if you like the attention i'm giving you but i think you ought to treat him better cause i know you know better than that happy belated birthday or early birthday or if it's your birthday and you're listening to this then have a happy fucking birthday one year closer to death thank god for the astronauts and the scientists what you do is so fucking cool, i'm envious just don't waste too much money for the sake of discovery if you can help it, i know a lot of people who are starving, new horizons will always be coming around, take some time out to feed the genius living at the local shelter to the artists and the entertainers i love you so much, i know the war you wage, i'm fighting by your side forevermore whether you're famous or an amateur just keep on expressing yourself baby i'll be keeping a look out for your next magnum opus to my mother and my father i'm sorry i'm such a fuck up i'm sorry i don't call you enough just know i'm praying for you when i'm not too busy to do it i wish i could offer you something more i know you don't expect anything back but i love you i'll leave it at that for now my brothers man i'm sorry i'm so fucking distant we all went our own ways i guess but i think about you often i know it's awkward when we see each other cause we're so fucking disconnected i wish i invested more time into you guys and forgive me if i don't start investing now you know how it is thanks to the drug dealers, oh man, thanks to the drug dealers be careful out there if you end up in prison give me your one phone call and i promise i'll do my best to bail you out all my friends you've been so good to me, coming out to see me and letting me talk to you when i ask you to listen putting up with my moods and backhanded compliments thanks for giving me my space when i needed it i got you boss up in management you're so high up there but if you fall down i got a place for you at my level you need it i owe you so much for all the money you give me for slacking off this ones for you, you dangerous thinkers (you're my favourite) making me think about things too, i'm so grateful for that dying before your time for the sake of us losers i read your books and they blow my mind you change my life and expand my worldview i love you god, i know this isn't the best way to say it but i believe it is take a breathe right now or you might die thanks so much for giving me this life giving lifegiving life i'm so fucking happy today excuse my frequent crying fits god bless the universe, so small but it's all i know, i'm so small but i make a little joyful noise, join me in the fucking chorus