York University put me on the honour roll, how quaint I'm a basket case at the top of my psychology class And I've got a nervous laugh Can't keep a straight face at the therapist's office But it's not so fucking funny to feel like I do I've fallen in love It's fucking emotional I regret my whole life and every bad decision that's made me unfit for her Doctor said she represents meaning and purpose in my life and I agree Obsessive love sickness has got me re-evaluating my existence I'm intellectualizing pink film instead of going on porn binges cause I've got to be a better man for her If only you could feel what I feel If only you could see all the good deeds I've done in secret Catch me in the act of kindness and maybe you would change your mind I'm desperate to make you believe I'm a good person but it's not fucking working And so you dismissed me like a friend How I'd love to be young and out of touch Doing things to keep me elated and not dead inside Listening to my favourite vaporwave deep cuts to pass the time on the bus ride I don't feel at all like myself today cause I'm a new man! Bleached my hair for the first time at thirty years old Pre-emptive mid-life crisis, fuck off It doesn't sound so enticing not to be a fucking rock star It doesn't sound so enticing not to write the best fucking songs and not to thank you in the liner notes So I'm doing it anyway, thanks for breaking my fucking heart

You're an earth angel and I'm a class act with a collection of red flags Maybe I was naive to think you could ever love me back But I still can't help getting jealous of every minute you don't want to spend with me I had higher hopes than I should've had I don't want to be your friend but I'll take what I can get I fall in love too easily, don't fucking judge me for that I chose you because I don't want to give up my identity for another high maintenance extrovert It's fucking stressful being little spoon all the time I've got nothing in common with the free spirited and happy types And I don't have patience like I used to for all the required social obligations of the 21st century woman I like you because you like small town living and quiet evenings playing board games I like you because your anxiety is evident in your facial expressions whenever peer pressure derails your thinking process You might dislike your grey hairs but I find them endearing And you gotta teach me how to smile because yours is fucking immaculate Mine is maniacal it'd do well to be taken down a few notches Perhaps it scared you away before you had the chance to tame it Perhaps I'm being too idealistic Lying to myself about your interest level is something I take great care in getting right That jigsaw puzzle we started was left unfinished on my coffee table for months before I conceded that you were not coming back to finish it

Maybe I should've stopped chasing you after you spoke your piece What can I say? I live a high risk/high reward kind of lifestyle and I did what I had to The thing about love is that you can't run away from it This is not some romantic fantasy Stranger than fiction, I met you at the right metaphysical time and place by chance This is the circumstance that tempted me to suicide but I wasn't about to empathize with young Werther without giving it the old college try I still had a few threads to hold on to that were connected to nothing And all you needed to do was to tell me your fucking name My pain is real and I'm doing my best to deal with it Cutting myself is not healthy, yes, I know But that's how I express myself and I think it's fucking beautiful This is how I deal with my pain and who are you to tell me to do any different? Just because it's not a socially acceptable way to self destruct doesn't make it any worse than your vices I don't want to get drunk every weekend and forget about my problems I'd rather face them head on with a knife alone in my apartment White privilege doesn't make my pain any less painful Don't underestimate the suburban blues At the height of undeserved wealth you'll find me in despair Blessed with an everyday face and a low sex drive I don't even fit in with the outcasts but you can still paint me with a broad stroke

You moved to Guelph and I'm still fucked out on unrequited love I get by with a little help from my opium habit Cause I don't think drugs are as dangerous as you do You were always so nice about rejecting my invitations So thoughtful and sincere Your apologies were enough for me to read too much into whenever I felt anxious Reminisce with me before you delete my number These are my failures and I want you to see them if only to get you to fucking look at me So here I am Give me the sweet torture of rejection over the dull pain of mundane living Give me a fair shot Called me a real gentleman and then called it off Ghosted for weeks at a time I don't think you'd still think of me a gentlemen if I told you how I've wondered what you taste like Maybe you've got an open mind, I didn't get the chance to notice Wouldn't it be nice to share a fetish I like when girls -------- during sex and I would've loved to open up your legs Chasing wet dreams with you in them Naked on another planet Shame doesn't exist when we're foreign bodies spaced out on cloud nine Take a spin round the rings of Saturn Crash land by Huygens at the beach on Titan Burning up with Cassini in the Grand Finale Cosmic self-destruction Disaster on the space station, the emotional connections are cutting out, you're cutting out Adam I can't hear you Failed to win you over Nice chat after Sunday service Soft lips to remember you always You left me with a goodbye and best wishes and I shame myself for not being able to move on My friends telling me to fuck off with my petty problems and still expecting me to keep up with appearances Sorry I'm not so dignified like the rest of you social animals Maybe I can make up some meaning for all of this in hindsight It's nice to know that you exist Nice to have known the lisp in your voice It's been a time, but now that time's been had And I'm forcing myself to let go but I feel no release I'm without a purpose You weren't going to change that but love is still a gift Hope springs eternal on the human breast I might be nothing but I will share with you what little I have

This is the prime of life Now in the abyss of adulthood You inspired me to take notice of the overlooked miracles that happen every day But alone I'm just apathetic A diamond is just a stone and a dead animal is just dead on the side of the road I don't care if you can't recognize my integrity I made the right decisions And I'm grateful for my misery You could say I've gotten over things I fired my therapist So deeply unsatisfied that I can't even feel the pain of it Too dark for the Christian girls and too Christian for secular dating Too fucked up in principle to create healthy emotional connections Celibate by default I used to have imaginary girlfriends and celebrity crushes that drove me to self harm And now it's not much different, maybe just a little more helpless You really fucked me up I let it happen So fucking lonely and I still want everyone to leave me the fuck alone Your life goes on in my absence and you don't think of me Just trying to preserve my humanity You don't have to guilt trip my for being unhappy Tolerate me, at least Call me immature Call me a fucking creep But this is my voice and I'm not ashamed of these words Take a sad song and make it miserable because everyone loves a fucking love song ------------------------------------------------- You can read it in my face I'm so far gone My mouth is not for kissing it's for shutting up My face is not for make-up it's already fake enough My arms are not for holding they're for cutting up My eyes are not for seeing they reveal my nature My fingers, they're your fingers we can touch each other My mind is shutting out those memories Forgetting things that I don't want to remember