the things that make me happy aren't real
taking melatonin gives me fucked up dreams and false awakenings
i'm making deals with god, trying to get him like me
i gotta pretend to be someone else to get people to like me
i like keeping all my connections separate
whenever they come together i gotta get all quiet
cause none of em know who i am

my heart beats faster than yours cause i'm so fucking anxious all the time
deaths gonna come quicker for me

being an adult is fucking disturbing
i spend my time trying to figure out how to feel like a kid again
getting high on nostalgia
trying to hold on to something that's going to die and has no purpose anyway

fuck paying for my mistakes
fuck figuring out how to work a job
fuck christmas bonuses
how much money will it take you to look the other way

i don't wanna lie to my friends
but they don't know who i am
fucking bored
caught up in some game
playing for keeps
laughing all the way to the bank cause my parents gave me two thousand dollars this year

spend it on video games and dextromethorphan
don't know that i'm gonna make it past the next year
they tell me i'm a nice guy on the outside but i'm fucking mess
trying to pull myself out of it

leading a double life
going on dates with girls eight years younger than me
the only person i can relate to
the only person who gives me a fucking chance
she's got a boyfriend but she hangs out indoors with me
i laugh about it

we don't sleep together cause i'm too scared of sex
i'm supposed to be a good christian boy
singing christmas songs for my mom and my grandma
bringing out that choir boy stance
believe me when i tell you that god's not making an appearance this year
he's fucking sick of me
i locked him up in the garage
he hasn't eaten for weeks
i give em a few pieces of chocolate every time he gives me a blessing over my recording sessions

and i hope you have a happy new year
forget about the taxes and the fascists don't let them get you down
buy yourself a new jacket and cry about it
cry about the lost youth you'll never get back cause you gave it to some high school sweetheart that makes you fucking miserable